Stupidity.

It continues to amaze me.
The amount of stupidity that people carry around in themselves is jaw dropping
Unbelievable.
Dear strangers that call me everyday all day long
I'm not sitting here on the other side of this phone holding your packages/checks/
Christmas gifts/bday cards hostage
I'm trying to help you. I do not know your every situation so please don't expect this of me
If you continue to: cuss,argue,raise your voice at me, talk to me like IM the stupid one
Your calls will continually be "disconected :)
Thanks.
Laura
Yes there is a person on the other end of that phone line!
Thank God for the "release" button, for that which I might not get through the day.

-L

beat it.

The dog tore up a roll of toilet paper
And somehow I'm being blamed for it.
This is Normal.
Something goes wrong, beyond anyones control and its my fault.
Normal.
Feeling absolutely fine when things are at their worst.
Normal.
What's the stopping point?
Can someone hit the breaks please?
Movies lie to us, music makes us believe its real but is it?
Watched 500 days of summer last night. Why don't I feel love?
Does it exist?
Is it bullshit? Fantasy? Unrealistic?
Today ... I think so.

update

the new job is working out i think.
i did the whole hanging out with the co-workers thing this weekend and
it was such a blast, sans husband :[ but i think it was better that way (sorry lee)
getting up @ 5am is getting easier, but then again any excuse for getting up in the morning and getting paid for it, is worth it.
cant wait for my next pay check :]
thanksgiving is this week and prepping for that is always fun. cant wait to make pumpkin pie! of course anything with pumpkin is fabulous.
going to get ready for my day, listening to Adele. music is my life source. i probably wouldn't be able to wake up or function if it wasn't for music.

PANDORA SAVES LIVES.

until next time....

Dear Diary.

i haven't been blogging. instead Ive been going old school lately.
writing in my journal.
its simply therapeutic.
plus, i feel like nobody even reads this thing.
but heres a little update.
1. got a new job
2. got a fantastic apartment.
3.got a new obsession with shopping online.


cant wait to get a paycheck, so i can actually go shopping.
thats all ive got for today. but thats probably due to the fact that its 545 am.

"im just disappointed in you"

MARRIAGE. Nuff Said.

feeling a little down today.

Fakeness.
its becoming too much to deal with.
friends?
so much for that.
feels like i don't know what those are anymore.
people who talk to you, but don't see you.
see you, but don't talk to you.
so much is going on around me and i feel helpless.
nobody needs my help, nobody knows i need their help.
promises broken, marriages faded, relationships torn.
feels like everyone around me is falling apart.
i probably shouldn't care so much, but unfortunately that's my downfall.
thinking I'm the one who can fix everything, only leaves me broken in the end.
definitely need a pick me up.

Change.

So. I know its been a while and i said i was gonna blog every week and yada yada yada. i havent, being me right now is really difficult. there are many reasons why but the biggest reason of all is.... drumroll please...................................CHANGE. Laura Diane Medlin (formerly Perez,as i have been reminded of many times this weekend) does not do so well with change! and in the last couple of months, ive had to:
Say goodbye to my hubbins.
Move Across the country.
Get rid of most of my belongings.
Turn my Beagles into "outside dogs"
Get Adjusted to having cable.
Get Back in Church.
And Move back into my parents house.
oh and did i mention My Husband isnt here to help me through any of this???!
its kind of a tough thing to do.
Mentally.
and Lee took the hard drive with all of our music. so not even Coldplay therapy.
it would just remind me of him anyways.
i definatley am not sorry i came home, but i am sorry for making this blog a sort of Laura Pity Party.
i just wanna ask out there, to anyone whos reading this,
How does one deal with so much change?
it has to be possible. i obviously have gone through it before, moving across the country and whatnot.
but never ALONE.
in fact i dont think ive done anything alone. ive always had some sort of support group.
and now, i feel like ive lost contact with the world.
In Washington, it was like i could walk next door and talk to Misty.
Drive down the road and have oth marathons w/Trish.
and the other girls who became family and got me used to Military life.
In North Carolina the same thing. ive been lucky to have neighbors that become really good friends(KATJE!)
but San Antonio, i just dont belong.
i feel like i cant remember what i did when i lived here before.
Church?
i feel so out of place there.
i feel so uneeded here, everyones lived their lives without me.
anyways... thats it for now, sorry its a little imbalanced, im running on 5 hrs of sleep.
a 10 hr drive and 1 meal for the entire day.
Chris Martin is calling my name.
-Laura<3

As the reality of lees deployment gets closer and closer
i find myself getting more emotional by the second.
im quiet and sad and lonely.
if you know anything at all about me, you know im not quiet.
im usually way to l0ud and way to friendly.

im sure that people are excited about me going home, but im afraid im going to let
everyone down.... im not the same.
im going to be depressed and down and worried.

im already listening to way more Coldplay than necessary.
and lees just gone to Cali - he will be back in 17 days.


hopefully being around family and friends will help that out.


anyways things im excited about :

Lee Comming Home

Quiting My Job

GOING HOME

Beach Time

Spending As Much Time With Lee As Possible!

SAVING $$$$

its a week filled with big decisions.

wow, its seriously been over a month since Ive blogged.
i guess Ive just been super busy with the shit of a job i have.
even though lee was gone for 6 weeks, i had no extra time on my hands
and the time i did have i spent re watching seasons 1-5 of nip/tuck. i seriously cant
just watch one episode, i have to keep going and going.... its kind of annoying actually.
but ironically, lees back and now is the time that i decide to sit around and write a blog.?
i don't get it, but i guess it works.
I'm currently listening to jack Johnson. for some reason, the lovely guitar and ukulele(however u spell it) acoustic feel is the epitome of summer music for me. it just reminds me of the beach and the smell of sunscreen :] speaking of the beach, lee and i went yesterday and it was so nice... kind of empty and it was the perfect day out.
my new day to day worry though is finding an apartment for when i move back to san antone, we came to a decision yesterday that its probably gonna be better for me to move back 1. so i wont be so damn lonely 2. to save $$ 3. to get out of jacksonville and a job i hate.
3 reasons and thats all i need, and while my mom said i could move in with her, im not sure if i wanna take her up on the offer, we didnt exactly get along when i lived there before.... but i am a different person now,, but i dont think i could handle it. so im looking for a cheap 1 bedroom or studio apt.
but i keep reading apartment reviews and it all sounds so horrible. i dont even know what part of town i should live on and whatnot.
its just a big pain and worry.
hate to make this short but ive got
so many decisions to make this week .... ive got to go worry about them.

work.

maybe its just me.
maybe I'm a pessimist.
but my job, its just not me. Retail?
I thank God for giving me this job, i do. but
its so BORING. more then half of the time im standing by the door greeting people.
my schedule sucks and i have to work sundays. this is not going well at all.
i dont see myself fitting in. i cant wait to move back to San Antonio. but whats sad is
i was better off at fsnb. why did i quit? why am i so dumb..... and not only that, the way i feel is confusing!!!
at afb i felt like i owned the place .... here i feel so awkward and incopetent.
maybe retail just is not my thing ...but i guess it will have to do for now.
(and the fact that they cant get anyone to work there and nobody stays for very long
scares me.)
Dicks Sporting Goods. is it really that bad? i guess we'll see.


idk

its 3 am im going to bed...

(now im gonna have matchbox 20 in my head all night.)

the good life

So I got a job!! Ya bbys its true I'm gonna be working at Dicks Sporting Goods as a Front End Coordinator. Ill basically be supervising the cashiers and greeters and stuff and I'm super excited about it. I've been looking for a job since january and for them to even call for an interview was an answer to prayer! I went in for the interview and the girl was like oh I'm gonna have u talk to our store manager now and then to have him tell me to come in for the final interview the same day was so exciting! I'm not sure when I start they r supposed to call me tommorow and let me know anyways just thought I'd share the good news! Also I got a blackberry curve!!! Our phone's screen had broken and we were without a phone for a while but the day I got the job we were actually able to go get the phone :) which is why this is gonna be short I'm blogging from my cell so its not as easy to type out.... all in all its been a good week! For lee too seeing as he got into his buddies squad and life at work for him is better:) hope everyone else is having a good week and ready for the weekend!
Peace Love and Lipgloss :]
-Lola

Busy Busy Bee.

Oh The busy Life. How im busy and jobless seems to amaze me more and more everyday!

Sure there are boring days, but lately ive been as busy as a bee.

I wake up way to early, i go to the gym, i clean , i cook , and im constantly job searching. The days fly by so quickly and

Its true what they say, the older you get the faster time flies!

With That Being Said....

Im starting to feel so old lately

i know ive been married for almost 3 years but i feel like the responsibilty is just setting in.

the reality is when i had a job, i didnt have this much time to think . i just did what had to be done. and went on. now everything seems overwhelming when i think of it all,

i mean im an adult.

i cant blame anyone else for my actions or make excuses. and i have no idea now, why i wanted to grow up so bad..... to get away from rules? which might i add came with a roof over my head , food on the table and me not having to worry about it?!

anyways thats a whole other blog!

so ya, time...

its a crazy thing to be busy and not be busy for God.

" God gives you your days off, what would he want you to do with them?"

my pastor said that in his message last night. i never thought of it that way. im so busy. busy for lee busy for me but im not busy for God. When i think of all the things i used to do for God and i look at my life now, im ashamed. Im not even in Nursery here, or Choir,I used to be on fire for God. With All the busy things in my life, i realized last night that i wanna be busier for Him.

i know this is kind of short but thats it for now, i have a job interview at 10am tommorow at Dicks Sporting Goods so hopefully i can get some income in to get a new phone :D

Today My Heart Broke .

ok so sometimes... like when im having one tree hill withdrawal

i go to this website -www.onetreehillblog.com

to look up filming schedules and whatnot on my favorite show -next to the office-

because the only good thing about living in Jacksonville Nc

is im 1 hr away from Wilmington NC :](where they film oth)

but today as i was following some old post with some good news came some bad.

good news- Its picking up for a 7th season, making it the longest running show filmed in

wilmington-surpassing good old Dawsons Creek by 22 episodes.

good news- i dont want it to end so this is a plus for me

Bad News- Hilarie Burton aka Peyton Sawyer is not comming back for it.

what? how can there not be a peyton?? why cant her and lucas ever be happy?

maybe im just a little too obsessed, maybe i shouldnt care, but this seriously ruined my day.

if shes getting killed off, i cant bare to watch it.

oh and supposedly Chad Michael Murray is Leaving too, but its not confirmed.... i personally dont believe it because how do u run a show without the main character?!

anyways theres a new episode on monday and i cant wait to watch it,

and they r still filming 2 more episodes for season 6 so hopefully i can get down to wilmington

and meet James Lafferty before he up and leaves too!

as for now i think im going to have to rewatch the 1st season for old times sake

wish my trishy poo was here with me!

Motivation.

So.. Since Last Thursday.... Katje and I have started working out.
I mean we are super motivated... i may not be as outward about it as she is
(today she was dancing to "shake your groove thing"!) but im super excited about
my new love for the gym.
im starting to love being sore. it sux but it makes me feel like ive actually done something :D

but i have to say, here are some things i didnt expect

1. i didnt expect yoga to be so freakin hard, i mean what is that? how to people bend that far?
its not for chubby people i have to admit my flabby flab gets in the way of some moves but hopefully in a couple of weeks or however long it takes ill be able to be bendy :]

2. i so did not to expect to find out how uncordinated i am.
its hard for me to follow directions, and ive come to find that i forget to breathe during some excersises and that gets me thinking how i cant breathe, which throws my whole move off.

3. i didnt expect some people to be so effin cute.1
i cant wait to get a job to buy new clothes. workout clothes!

4. aand lastly, i didnt expect it to be fun!

thats about it about workout. tommorow its off to yoga at 8:30 and pilates after that its my first pilates class so im pretty excited!

Raining on Sunday

Rain Does Alot Of Good For Some.
For Me, IT Makes Me LAzy as HECK!
mostly the reason i disliked washington in the begining.
today ive got absolutley nothing done, sure theres dishes to be washed
and a bed to be made
but instead ive done nothing.
take that back.
i got my taxes done. which wasnt too exciting either.
anyways it also makes lee wanna do nothing too, like sit inside and play
video games allll day looong.
lol i didnt even wanna cook.. we ate hot dogs for dinner.

anyways just thought id write a bit to pass the time,
today we decided when i move back home in july that instead of
me living with my sister im gonna get an apartment.
which im kind of excited about but ive been searching online and all the nice apartments
on the southside are low income housing-which i wont qualify for,
and all the rest are crappy lookinng! but i dont wanna live far from where i work.
but from the looks of it thats how its gonna end up.
im kinda excited to have my own place.
(i can finally decorate it girly!)
but im almost positive im gonna spend most of my days and nights
worried sick about lee.
but lets not get depressed about that now.

well that sums up my day
taxes, nothing, hot dogs, apartment.
still no job.
hopefully someone will call this week
at&t is hiring, im hoping they will call, that seems kinda fun :]

until next time

<3>

Give Me Real Dont Give Me Fake.

Last night, our pastor preached on "the foes of true friendship"
it was a really good message. i thought id share the main points.
1] Show: friends will be there as long as things are good. but when things start to look ugly, they scatter away
2]Know: the more they get to know about you the less they start to like you, some people will
leave if they know too much of the back stuff.
3]Go: thats what they will do if things get to rough.

A true friend will stick no matter what, almost like a marriage. when ruth and orpahs husbands died and all they were left with was naomi their mother in law, orpah saw that naomi had nothing left to give her, so she left. but ruth,told naomi she would follow her until death, even though she wasnt certain of where she was going or what they woul
d be doing when they got to naomi's native land, but she knew that she was her friend and she stuck by her,

with that message it had me thinking about friendship.

Friend: One Attached To Another by Affection or esteem; a favored companion.

yes we all have friends, but how many would stick by you if things were tough? who would stick by me? who are my true friends.
and im not talking about myspace friends, or facebook friends. while some are true, others just add you to their myspace to be nosy or critisize.
im talking real friends.

im saying this because here in jacksonville, nc i know i have no real friends, and i have to say its bothering me some.

im the type of person who is used to being surrounded by alot of people, its just natural for me and to be cooped up in a house all day is just , well unnatural.
i used to be the heart of most things, i used to be able to make friends right off the bat. and lately i dont feel like i can just walk up to someone and strike up a convo
ive been a member of grace baptist church since early january and i dont feel like i know anyone.

i guess i just need to put myself out there more.
but i dont wanna be a victim of fake friends. ive done it before, and while i know i shouldnt care what people think. i cant help it.
IT MATTERS TO ME.
im one of those ppl who cant stand being not liked.

[i keep writing but dont feel like this is going anywhere]
i have alot of expectations in people
alot
and when i get let down. its like someone kicked my puppy.
ive been dealing with some friendship issues.
being lied to, or given broken promises.
ive not been too happy about it.
its pushing me away... and it makes me skeptical.
im thinking this is where i stop trusting
and this is where i guard my heart.
and this is probably why i dont have anyone here.
but idk, like i said i feel like this is going nowhere.
so im gonna stop.

No Time But...

im back :]
i didnt have internet which is why i havent been faithful lately but now i do.
dont have time cause...
im cooking dinner
and doing laundry
and lee is on his way home
but
hopefully tommorow wont be hectic.

<3

Marine Wife.

There's Nothing More Annoying In The World.

Seriously. Since When Does Your Husband Being In The Marines , Make You One?

Maybe I'm A Little Bias Because My First Duty Station Was A Naval Base- Mostly All Of My REAL friends Are Navy Wives-But I'm Pretty Sure
There are Other Marine Wives Out There Who Feel Just As Embarrassed To Be In The Same Category
As These Other Women.
Yes, My Husband Is A Marine
Yes, I Looove That Uniform
Yes, I'm Proud Of Him.
But Does That Really Require 18 " I Heart My Marine " Stickers On My Car?
I Think Its Ridiculous How Most Of Them Ask For Your Husbands Rank Upon Meeting You, As If That's A Deciding Factor of Friendship. As If They Are The Ones That Rate A Rank At All.
I Say This Because I Just Came Back From The Library On Base And If I See One More"My Daddy Fights For Your Freedom " Decals I Might Scream.
Seriously, The Baby Put That On Your Window?
Although I Do Have A Few Marine Wives, That Are Great Friends. Theres Way To Many Bad That OutWay The Good.
If My Husband Isnt Happy To Be A Marine, Then Should I Have So Much Marine Pride That It Causes An Overshadowing Blind Spot On My Vehicle? I Dont Think So.
No Wonder There Are So Many Car Accidents in Jacksonville.

Monday Monday Monday

Oh Monday.

How boring, here we are on this presidents day, absolutely bored. not that i actually care about the president right now, but i guess there nothing i can do about that.

Lee is still stuck on his Wii and Today im feeling Musical :] so if decided since my house is

organized that id organized my itunes. which is a complete mess. genres, titles, album art. its all out of wack! so i guess it gives me something to do. which i appreciate.

but i cant tear myself away from Carol Kings Tapestry album. it seems to be speaking of all my feelings right now and i feel like i can drift off into her words. its also an amazing time warp. my mom used to play this album on sunday mornings with no tvs in the house on and she would sit and read the paper. maybe she was drifting off too. its a nice thought.

anyways thats pretty much how my day has gone. but i keep thinking about home. i wish i was there right now, its so freakin cold here in jacksonville its ridiculous. i did take the pups for a walk this morning though, luckily we live on the nice part of jacksonville , where the two story homes in our neighborhood are filled with friendly neighbors cleaning out their garage's and not smoking a joint or having domestic disputes. see jacksonville is probably the most ghetto place ive ever been to and not living in the bad part of town is a blessing. this morning was nice. even though it was cold , im commited to my goals that i made in my previous post about being patient and losing weight, so i went for a looong walk. it refreshing and i think im going to make it a habit.

Last night was boring too. Lee,Adam and I were so bored, we were looking up the llorona and the donkey lady stories. we were so bored, then we decided to go for a drive and ended up at starbucks where the gay asian guy with the long hair really messed up my green tea latte. i never go to that starbucks. i always go to the barnes and noble cafe where my friend katje works, idk if its in my head that its better or what but last night proved that i dont ever wanna go to that starbucks again. even though technically the barnes and noble is not a starbucks, it serves way better drinks then the actual starbucks. which by the way is the only starbucks in town.

oh and ur probably wondering who the heck adam is.

adam is lees boyfriend. not literally but it is his best friend and pretty much our roomie. hes always here at the house & even has his own room. at first i thought it was kind of weird but when he doesnt spend the night here, the house seems really empty.

anyways i guess thats it for now.

things im looking forward to this week:

getting a job at that furniture place, i think my interview went really well.

if not , going to the job fair on saturday :]

going to the gym this week, starting a ritual.

my dogs getting somewhat better at the whole pottytraining gig. logan did not mess last night! jake on the other hand is as stubborn as a mule, just like his daddy!

and finishing my rosetta stone lesson.

p.s chris martin is heading this because of my musical-ness. he would definatley be my husband right now if it wasnt for gwyneth. Coldplay is my all time Favorite.

What A Valentine.

Today Is Feb 15th...
and while most people are still feeling the effects from rekindling that flame from yesterdays festivities,
I'm sitting on the couch waiting for the latest greys anatomy episode to load and listening to lee play the Godfather on the wii. Sadly my valentines was not filled with love and romance, roses and red wine, it was filled with pine-sol and vacuuming oh and cant forget to mention the Clorox wipes:] i spent the entire day cleaning our town home from top to bottom and lee spent it playing the wii. no acknowledgement, no gift, nothing. Although i wanted my first blog entry to be creative and exciting I'm am not feeling creative I'm feeling ignored.
Lee and I have been together for 5 years. 6 in April and while i expect some of the magic to be gone, i didn't expect it to vanish off the face of the earth. Ive got to admit i get extremely emotional when i think about it, cause i still feel the same way i did 5 years ago. maybe its immaturity or maybe its hope but i still get butterflies ,i still get that puppy love feeling and lee doesn't. i wish i could get it back for him, lee is such a medlin. no feelings or emotions. i don't understand how its even possible to be so clueless about how u feel. he says that its like a thing that only happens in the movies. but i don't believe that. i know that real people go their whole lives looking for that love and when they find it they hold on to it and cherish it, lee doesn't. he thinks its imaginary.idk i guess I'm just realizing the transition. i went from being a spoiled brat( I'm the baby) to starting from scratch. new marriage, new city, new life. No $$ or Furniture, and 3 years later although we have acquired some things, its not complete. and i don't expect it to be but i did expect the love, the feeling the desire to still be there. i feel like the hope is gone. and i want it back. i don't wanna sound selfish-but i didn't go to college for this- i put my dreams on hold to follow lee- and i don't feel like he appreciates it. i don't hate my husband, i don't hate my life, but i do feel like it is time for a change. time to make things better. my house, my life, my marriage, my body. I wanna feel happy. isn't that what everyone wants? this blogging thing is supposed to give me clarity. i hold in my feelings to much, and i hate when they boil inside me. cause then they end up coming out in an explosion. not what i want anymore. so with that here are some of my goals for the next... year.
1. to lose 50 lbs. seriously I'm tired of getting tired going up the stairs. its ridiculous i have access to a free gym and I'm going to take advantage of it.
2. to start college - recently Ive discovered that i wanna be a pediatric dentist and i can use lees g.i bill to go to college for free
3.to be a cleaner, organized person. (i hate admitting that I'm messy but i am:/)
4. to have patience- especially with my 2 beagle pups , Jake and Logan :]
5. to be a better christian- Ive not been one since, well before i got married.
6. to be grammatically correct- writing this blog makes me realize what an idiot i am.
7. to learn Spanish. and become fluent- i want my kids to be bilingual
8. to blog daily or at least 3 x a week.
that's it for now. I'm off to go relax it is Sunday after all.