What A Valentine.

Today Is Feb 15th...
and while most people are still feeling the effects from rekindling that flame from yesterdays festivities,
I'm sitting on the couch waiting for the latest greys anatomy episode to load and listening to lee play the Godfather on the wii. Sadly my valentines was not filled with love and romance, roses and red wine, it was filled with pine-sol and vacuuming oh and cant forget to mention the Clorox wipes:] i spent the entire day cleaning our town home from top to bottom and lee spent it playing the wii. no acknowledgement, no gift, nothing. Although i wanted my first blog entry to be creative and exciting I'm am not feeling creative I'm feeling ignored.
Lee and I have been together for 5 years. 6 in April and while i expect some of the magic to be gone, i didn't expect it to vanish off the face of the earth. Ive got to admit i get extremely emotional when i think about it, cause i still feel the same way i did 5 years ago. maybe its immaturity or maybe its hope but i still get butterflies ,i still get that puppy love feeling and lee doesn't. i wish i could get it back for him, lee is such a medlin. no feelings or emotions. i don't understand how its even possible to be so clueless about how u feel. he says that its like a thing that only happens in the movies. but i don't believe that. i know that real people go their whole lives looking for that love and when they find it they hold on to it and cherish it, lee doesn't. he thinks its imaginary.idk i guess I'm just realizing the transition. i went from being a spoiled brat( I'm the baby) to starting from scratch. new marriage, new city, new life. No $$ or Furniture, and 3 years later although we have acquired some things, its not complete. and i don't expect it to be but i did expect the love, the feeling the desire to still be there. i feel like the hope is gone. and i want it back. i don't wanna sound selfish-but i didn't go to college for this- i put my dreams on hold to follow lee- and i don't feel like he appreciates it. i don't hate my husband, i don't hate my life, but i do feel like it is time for a change. time to make things better. my house, my life, my marriage, my body. I wanna feel happy. isn't that what everyone wants? this blogging thing is supposed to give me clarity. i hold in my feelings to much, and i hate when they boil inside me. cause then they end up coming out in an explosion. not what i want anymore. so with that here are some of my goals for the next... year.
1. to lose 50 lbs. seriously I'm tired of getting tired going up the stairs. its ridiculous i have access to a free gym and I'm going to take advantage of it.
2. to start college - recently Ive discovered that i wanna be a pediatric dentist and i can use lees g.i bill to go to college for free
3.to be a cleaner, organized person. (i hate admitting that I'm messy but i am:/)
4. to have patience- especially with my 2 beagle pups , Jake and Logan :]
5. to be a better christian- Ive not been one since, well before i got married.
6. to be grammatically correct- writing this blog makes me realize what an idiot i am.
7. to learn Spanish. and become fluent- i want my kids to be bilingual
8. to blog daily or at least 3 x a week.
that's it for now. I'm off to go relax it is Sunday after all.