update

the new job is working out i think.
i did the whole hanging out with the co-workers thing this weekend and
it was such a blast, sans husband :[ but i think it was better that way (sorry lee)
getting up @ 5am is getting easier, but then again any excuse for getting up in the morning and getting paid for it, is worth it.
cant wait for my next pay check :]
thanksgiving is this week and prepping for that is always fun. cant wait to make pumpkin pie! of course anything with pumpkin is fabulous.
going to get ready for my day, listening to Adele. music is my life source. i probably wouldn't be able to wake up or function if it wasn't for music.

PANDORA SAVES LIVES.

until next time....

Dear Diary.

i haven't been blogging. instead Ive been going old school lately.
writing in my journal.
its simply therapeutic.
plus, i feel like nobody even reads this thing.
but heres a little update.
1. got a new job
2. got a fantastic apartment.
3.got a new obsession with shopping online.


cant wait to get a paycheck, so i can actually go shopping.
thats all ive got for today. but thats probably due to the fact that its 545 am.

"im just disappointed in you"

MARRIAGE. Nuff Said.

feeling a little down today.

Fakeness.
its becoming too much to deal with.
friends?
so much for that.
feels like i don't know what those are anymore.
people who talk to you, but don't see you.
see you, but don't talk to you.
so much is going on around me and i feel helpless.
nobody needs my help, nobody knows i need their help.
promises broken, marriages faded, relationships torn.
feels like everyone around me is falling apart.
i probably shouldn't care so much, but unfortunately that's my downfall.
thinking I'm the one who can fix everything, only leaves me broken in the end.
definitely need a pick me up.

Change.

So. I know its been a while and i said i was gonna blog every week and yada yada yada. i havent, being me right now is really difficult. there are many reasons why but the biggest reason of all is.... drumroll please...................................CHANGE. Laura Diane Medlin (formerly Perez,as i have been reminded of many times this weekend) does not do so well with change! and in the last couple of months, ive had to:
Say goodbye to my hubbins.
Move Across the country.
Get rid of most of my belongings.
Turn my Beagles into "outside dogs"
Get Adjusted to having cable.
Get Back in Church.
And Move back into my parents house.
oh and did i mention My Husband isnt here to help me through any of this???!
its kind of a tough thing to do.
Mentally.
and Lee took the hard drive with all of our music. so not even Coldplay therapy.
it would just remind me of him anyways.
i definatley am not sorry i came home, but i am sorry for making this blog a sort of Laura Pity Party.
i just wanna ask out there, to anyone whos reading this,
How does one deal with so much change?
it has to be possible. i obviously have gone through it before, moving across the country and whatnot.
but never ALONE.
in fact i dont think ive done anything alone. ive always had some sort of support group.
and now, i feel like ive lost contact with the world.
In Washington, it was like i could walk next door and talk to Misty.
Drive down the road and have oth marathons w/Trish.
and the other girls who became family and got me used to Military life.
In North Carolina the same thing. ive been lucky to have neighbors that become really good friends(KATJE!)
but San Antonio, i just dont belong.
i feel like i cant remember what i did when i lived here before.
Church?
i feel so out of place there.
i feel so uneeded here, everyones lived their lives without me.
anyways... thats it for now, sorry its a little imbalanced, im running on 5 hrs of sleep.
a 10 hr drive and 1 meal for the entire day.
Chris Martin is calling my name.
-Laura<3

As the reality of lees deployment gets closer and closer
i find myself getting more emotional by the second.
im quiet and sad and lonely.
if you know anything at all about me, you know im not quiet.
im usually way to l0ud and way to friendly.

im sure that people are excited about me going home, but im afraid im going to let
everyone down.... im not the same.
im going to be depressed and down and worried.

im already listening to way more Coldplay than necessary.
and lees just gone to Cali - he will be back in 17 days.


hopefully being around family and friends will help that out.


anyways things im excited about :

Lee Comming Home

Quiting My Job

GOING HOME

Beach Time

Spending As Much Time With Lee As Possible!

SAVING $$$$

its a week filled with big decisions.

wow, its seriously been over a month since Ive blogged.
i guess Ive just been super busy with the shit of a job i have.
even though lee was gone for 6 weeks, i had no extra time on my hands
and the time i did have i spent re watching seasons 1-5 of nip/tuck. i seriously cant
just watch one episode, i have to keep going and going.... its kind of annoying actually.
but ironically, lees back and now is the time that i decide to sit around and write a blog.?
i don't get it, but i guess it works.
I'm currently listening to jack Johnson. for some reason, the lovely guitar and ukulele(however u spell it) acoustic feel is the epitome of summer music for me. it just reminds me of the beach and the smell of sunscreen :] speaking of the beach, lee and i went yesterday and it was so nice... kind of empty and it was the perfect day out.
my new day to day worry though is finding an apartment for when i move back to san antone, we came to a decision yesterday that its probably gonna be better for me to move back 1. so i wont be so damn lonely 2. to save $$ 3. to get out of jacksonville and a job i hate.
3 reasons and thats all i need, and while my mom said i could move in with her, im not sure if i wanna take her up on the offer, we didnt exactly get along when i lived there before.... but i am a different person now,, but i dont think i could handle it. so im looking for a cheap 1 bedroom or studio apt.
but i keep reading apartment reviews and it all sounds so horrible. i dont even know what part of town i should live on and whatnot.
its just a big pain and worry.
hate to make this short but ive got
so many decisions to make this week .... ive got to go worry about them.