Give Me Real Dont Give Me Fake.

Last night, our pastor preached on "the foes of true friendship"
it was a really good message. i thought id share the main points.
1] Show: friends will be there as long as things are good. but when things start to look ugly, they scatter away
2]Know: the more they get to know about you the less they start to like you, some people will
leave if they know too much of the back stuff.
3]Go: thats what they will do if things get to rough.

A true friend will stick no matter what, almost like a marriage. when ruth and orpahs husbands died and all they were left with was naomi their mother in law, orpah saw that naomi had nothing left to give her, so she left. but ruth,told naomi she would follow her until death, even though she wasnt certain of where she was going or what they woul
d be doing when they got to naomi's native land, but she knew that she was her friend and she stuck by her,

with that message it had me thinking about friendship.

Friend: One Attached To Another by Affection or esteem; a favored companion.

yes we all have friends, but how many would stick by you if things were tough? who would stick by me? who are my true friends.
and im not talking about myspace friends, or facebook friends. while some are true, others just add you to their myspace to be nosy or critisize.
im talking real friends.

im saying this because here in jacksonville, nc i know i have no real friends, and i have to say its bothering me some.

im the type of person who is used to being surrounded by alot of people, its just natural for me and to be cooped up in a house all day is just , well unnatural.
i used to be the heart of most things, i used to be able to make friends right off the bat. and lately i dont feel like i can just walk up to someone and strike up a convo
ive been a member of grace baptist church since early january and i dont feel like i know anyone.

i guess i just need to put myself out there more.
but i dont wanna be a victim of fake friends. ive done it before, and while i know i shouldnt care what people think. i cant help it.
IT MATTERS TO ME.
im one of those ppl who cant stand being not liked.

[i keep writing but dont feel like this is going anywhere]
i have alot of expectations in people
alot
and when i get let down. its like someone kicked my puppy.
ive been dealing with some friendship issues.
being lied to, or given broken promises.
ive not been too happy about it.
its pushing me away... and it makes me skeptical.
im thinking this is where i stop trusting
and this is where i guard my heart.
and this is probably why i dont have anyone here.
but idk, like i said i feel like this is going nowhere.
so im gonna stop.

No Time But...

im back :]
i didnt have internet which is why i havent been faithful lately but now i do.
dont have time cause...
im cooking dinner
and doing laundry
and lee is on his way home
but
hopefully tommorow wont be hectic.

<3

Marine Wife.

There's Nothing More Annoying In The World.

Seriously. Since When Does Your Husband Being In The Marines , Make You One?

Maybe I'm A Little Bias Because My First Duty Station Was A Naval Base- Mostly All Of My REAL friends Are Navy Wives-But I'm Pretty Sure
There are Other Marine Wives Out There Who Feel Just As Embarrassed To Be In The Same Category
As These Other Women.
Yes, My Husband Is A Marine
Yes, I Looove That Uniform
Yes, I'm Proud Of Him.
But Does That Really Require 18 " I Heart My Marine " Stickers On My Car?
I Think Its Ridiculous How Most Of Them Ask For Your Husbands Rank Upon Meeting You, As If That's A Deciding Factor of Friendship. As If They Are The Ones That Rate A Rank At All.
I Say This Because I Just Came Back From The Library On Base And If I See One More"My Daddy Fights For Your Freedom " Decals I Might Scream.
Seriously, The Baby Put That On Your Window?
Although I Do Have A Few Marine Wives, That Are Great Friends. Theres Way To Many Bad That OutWay The Good.
If My Husband Isnt Happy To Be A Marine, Then Should I Have So Much Marine Pride That It Causes An Overshadowing Blind Spot On My Vehicle? I Dont Think So.
No Wonder There Are So Many Car Accidents in Jacksonville.

Monday Monday Monday

Oh Monday.

How boring, here we are on this presidents day, absolutely bored. not that i actually care about the president right now, but i guess there nothing i can do about that.

Lee is still stuck on his Wii and Today im feeling Musical :] so if decided since my house is

organized that id organized my itunes. which is a complete mess. genres, titles, album art. its all out of wack! so i guess it gives me something to do. which i appreciate.

but i cant tear myself away from Carol Kings Tapestry album. it seems to be speaking of all my feelings right now and i feel like i can drift off into her words. its also an amazing time warp. my mom used to play this album on sunday mornings with no tvs in the house on and she would sit and read the paper. maybe she was drifting off too. its a nice thought.

anyways thats pretty much how my day has gone. but i keep thinking about home. i wish i was there right now, its so freakin cold here in jacksonville its ridiculous. i did take the pups for a walk this morning though, luckily we live on the nice part of jacksonville , where the two story homes in our neighborhood are filled with friendly neighbors cleaning out their garage's and not smoking a joint or having domestic disputes. see jacksonville is probably the most ghetto place ive ever been to and not living in the bad part of town is a blessing. this morning was nice. even though it was cold , im commited to my goals that i made in my previous post about being patient and losing weight, so i went for a looong walk. it refreshing and i think im going to make it a habit.

Last night was boring too. Lee,Adam and I were so bored, we were looking up the llorona and the donkey lady stories. we were so bored, then we decided to go for a drive and ended up at starbucks where the gay asian guy with the long hair really messed up my green tea latte. i never go to that starbucks. i always go to the barnes and noble cafe where my friend katje works, idk if its in my head that its better or what but last night proved that i dont ever wanna go to that starbucks again. even though technically the barnes and noble is not a starbucks, it serves way better drinks then the actual starbucks. which by the way is the only starbucks in town.

oh and ur probably wondering who the heck adam is.

adam is lees boyfriend. not literally but it is his best friend and pretty much our roomie. hes always here at the house & even has his own room. at first i thought it was kind of weird but when he doesnt spend the night here, the house seems really empty.

anyways i guess thats it for now.

things im looking forward to this week:

getting a job at that furniture place, i think my interview went really well.

if not , going to the job fair on saturday :]

going to the gym this week, starting a ritual.

my dogs getting somewhat better at the whole pottytraining gig. logan did not mess last night! jake on the other hand is as stubborn as a mule, just like his daddy!

and finishing my rosetta stone lesson.

p.s chris martin is heading this because of my musical-ness. he would definatley be my husband right now if it wasnt for gwyneth. Coldplay is my all time Favorite.

What A Valentine.

Today Is Feb 15th...
and while most people are still feeling the effects from rekindling that flame from yesterdays festivities,
I'm sitting on the couch waiting for the latest greys anatomy episode to load and listening to lee play the Godfather on the wii. Sadly my valentines was not filled with love and romance, roses and red wine, it was filled with pine-sol and vacuuming oh and cant forget to mention the Clorox wipes:] i spent the entire day cleaning our town home from top to bottom and lee spent it playing the wii. no acknowledgement, no gift, nothing. Although i wanted my first blog entry to be creative and exciting I'm am not feeling creative I'm feeling ignored.
Lee and I have been together for 5 years. 6 in April and while i expect some of the magic to be gone, i didn't expect it to vanish off the face of the earth. Ive got to admit i get extremely emotional when i think about it, cause i still feel the same way i did 5 years ago. maybe its immaturity or maybe its hope but i still get butterflies ,i still get that puppy love feeling and lee doesn't. i wish i could get it back for him, lee is such a medlin. no feelings or emotions. i don't understand how its even possible to be so clueless about how u feel. he says that its like a thing that only happens in the movies. but i don't believe that. i know that real people go their whole lives looking for that love and when they find it they hold on to it and cherish it, lee doesn't. he thinks its imaginary.idk i guess I'm just realizing the transition. i went from being a spoiled brat( I'm the baby) to starting from scratch. new marriage, new city, new life. No $$ or Furniture, and 3 years later although we have acquired some things, its not complete. and i don't expect it to be but i did expect the love, the feeling the desire to still be there. i feel like the hope is gone. and i want it back. i don't wanna sound selfish-but i didn't go to college for this- i put my dreams on hold to follow lee- and i don't feel like he appreciates it. i don't hate my husband, i don't hate my life, but i do feel like it is time for a change. time to make things better. my house, my life, my marriage, my body. I wanna feel happy. isn't that what everyone wants? this blogging thing is supposed to give me clarity. i hold in my feelings to much, and i hate when they boil inside me. cause then they end up coming out in an explosion. not what i want anymore. so with that here are some of my goals for the next... year.
1. to lose 50 lbs. seriously I'm tired of getting tired going up the stairs. its ridiculous i have access to a free gym and I'm going to take advantage of it.
2. to start college - recently Ive discovered that i wanna be a pediatric dentist and i can use lees g.i bill to go to college for free
3.to be a cleaner, organized person. (i hate admitting that I'm messy but i am:/)
4. to have patience- especially with my 2 beagle pups , Jake and Logan :]
5. to be a better christian- Ive not been one since, well before i got married.
6. to be grammatically correct- writing this blog makes me realize what an idiot i am.
7. to learn Spanish. and become fluent- i want my kids to be bilingual
8. to blog daily or at least 3 x a week.
that's it for now. I'm off to go relax it is Sunday after all.