feeling a little down today.

Fakeness.
its becoming too much to deal with.
friends?
so much for that.
feels like i don't know what those are anymore.
people who talk to you, but don't see you.
see you, but don't talk to you.
so much is going on around me and i feel helpless.
nobody needs my help, nobody knows i need their help.
promises broken, marriages faded, relationships torn.
feels like everyone around me is falling apart.
i probably shouldn't care so much, but unfortunately that's my downfall.
thinking I'm the one who can fix everything, only leaves me broken in the end.
definitely need a pick me up.

Change.

So. I know its been a while and i said i was gonna blog every week and yada yada yada. i havent, being me right now is really difficult. there are many reasons why but the biggest reason of all is.... drumroll please...................................CHANGE. Laura Diane Medlin (formerly Perez,as i have been reminded of many times this weekend) does not do so well with change! and in the last couple of months, ive had to:
Say goodbye to my hubbins.
Move Across the country.
Get rid of most of my belongings.
Turn my Beagles into "outside dogs"
Get Adjusted to having cable.
Get Back in Church.
And Move back into my parents house.
oh and did i mention My Husband isnt here to help me through any of this???!
its kind of a tough thing to do.
Mentally.
and Lee took the hard drive with all of our music. so not even Coldplay therapy.
it would just remind me of him anyways.
i definatley am not sorry i came home, but i am sorry for making this blog a sort of Laura Pity Party.
i just wanna ask out there, to anyone whos reading this,
How does one deal with so much change?
it has to be possible. i obviously have gone through it before, moving across the country and whatnot.
but never ALONE.
in fact i dont think ive done anything alone. ive always had some sort of support group.
and now, i feel like ive lost contact with the world.
In Washington, it was like i could walk next door and talk to Misty.
Drive down the road and have oth marathons w/Trish.
and the other girls who became family and got me used to Military life.
In North Carolina the same thing. ive been lucky to have neighbors that become really good friends(KATJE!)
but San Antonio, i just dont belong.
i feel like i cant remember what i did when i lived here before.
Church?
i feel so out of place there.
i feel so uneeded here, everyones lived their lives without me.
anyways... thats it for now, sorry its a little imbalanced, im running on 5 hrs of sleep.
a 10 hr drive and 1 meal for the entire day.
Chris Martin is calling my name.
-Laura<3

As the reality of lees deployment gets closer and closer
i find myself getting more emotional by the second.
im quiet and sad and lonely.
if you know anything at all about me, you know im not quiet.
im usually way to l0ud and way to friendly.

im sure that people are excited about me going home, but im afraid im going to let
everyone down.... im not the same.
im going to be depressed and down and worried.

im already listening to way more Coldplay than necessary.
and lees just gone to Cali - he will be back in 17 days.


hopefully being around family and friends will help that out.


anyways things im excited about :

Lee Comming Home

Quiting My Job

GOING HOME

Beach Time

Spending As Much Time With Lee As Possible!

SAVING $$$$

its a week filled with big decisions.

wow, its seriously been over a month since Ive blogged.
i guess Ive just been super busy with the shit of a job i have.
even though lee was gone for 6 weeks, i had no extra time on my hands
and the time i did have i spent re watching seasons 1-5 of nip/tuck. i seriously cant
just watch one episode, i have to keep going and going.... its kind of annoying actually.
but ironically, lees back and now is the time that i decide to sit around and write a blog.?
i don't get it, but i guess it works.
I'm currently listening to jack Johnson. for some reason, the lovely guitar and ukulele(however u spell it) acoustic feel is the epitome of summer music for me. it just reminds me of the beach and the smell of sunscreen :] speaking of the beach, lee and i went yesterday and it was so nice... kind of empty and it was the perfect day out.
my new day to day worry though is finding an apartment for when i move back to san antone, we came to a decision yesterday that its probably gonna be better for me to move back 1. so i wont be so damn lonely 2. to save $$ 3. to get out of jacksonville and a job i hate.
3 reasons and thats all i need, and while my mom said i could move in with her, im not sure if i wanna take her up on the offer, we didnt exactly get along when i lived there before.... but i am a different person now,, but i dont think i could handle it. so im looking for a cheap 1 bedroom or studio apt.
but i keep reading apartment reviews and it all sounds so horrible. i dont even know what part of town i should live on and whatnot.
its just a big pain and worry.
hate to make this short but ive got
so many decisions to make this week .... ive got to go worry about them.

work.

maybe its just me.
maybe I'm a pessimist.
but my job, its just not me. Retail?
I thank God for giving me this job, i do. but
its so BORING. more then half of the time im standing by the door greeting people.
my schedule sucks and i have to work sundays. this is not going well at all.
i dont see myself fitting in. i cant wait to move back to San Antonio. but whats sad is
i was better off at fsnb. why did i quit? why am i so dumb..... and not only that, the way i feel is confusing!!!
at afb i felt like i owned the place .... here i feel so awkward and incopetent.
maybe retail just is not my thing ...but i guess it will have to do for now.
(and the fact that they cant get anyone to work there and nobody stays for very long
scares me.)
Dicks Sporting Goods. is it really that bad? i guess we'll see.


idk

its 3 am im going to bed...

(now im gonna have matchbox 20 in my head all night.)

the good life

So I got a job!! Ya bbys its true I'm gonna be working at Dicks Sporting Goods as a Front End Coordinator. Ill basically be supervising the cashiers and greeters and stuff and I'm super excited about it. I've been looking for a job since january and for them to even call for an interview was an answer to prayer! I went in for the interview and the girl was like oh I'm gonna have u talk to our store manager now and then to have him tell me to come in for the final interview the same day was so exciting! I'm not sure when I start they r supposed to call me tommorow and let me know anyways just thought I'd share the good news! Also I got a blackberry curve!!! Our phone's screen had broken and we were without a phone for a while but the day I got the job we were actually able to go get the phone :) which is why this is gonna be short I'm blogging from my cell so its not as easy to type out.... all in all its been a good week! For lee too seeing as he got into his buddies squad and life at work for him is better:) hope everyone else is having a good week and ready for the weekend!
Peace Love and Lipgloss :]
-Lola

Busy Busy Bee.

Oh The busy Life. How im busy and jobless seems to amaze me more and more everyday!

Sure there are boring days, but lately ive been as busy as a bee.

I wake up way to early, i go to the gym, i clean , i cook , and im constantly job searching. The days fly by so quickly and

Its true what they say, the older you get the faster time flies!

With That Being Said....

Im starting to feel so old lately

i know ive been married for almost 3 years but i feel like the responsibilty is just setting in.

the reality is when i had a job, i didnt have this much time to think . i just did what had to be done. and went on. now everything seems overwhelming when i think of it all,

i mean im an adult.

i cant blame anyone else for my actions or make excuses. and i have no idea now, why i wanted to grow up so bad..... to get away from rules? which might i add came with a roof over my head , food on the table and me not having to worry about it?!

anyways thats a whole other blog!

so ya, time...

its a crazy thing to be busy and not be busy for God.

" God gives you your days off, what would he want you to do with them?"

my pastor said that in his message last night. i never thought of it that way. im so busy. busy for lee busy for me but im not busy for God. When i think of all the things i used to do for God and i look at my life now, im ashamed. Im not even in Nursery here, or Choir,I used to be on fire for God. With All the busy things in my life, i realized last night that i wanna be busier for Him.

i know this is kind of short but thats it for now, i have a job interview at 10am tommorow at Dicks Sporting Goods so hopefully i can get some income in to get a new phone :D